I dont want a girl that has it in her head that 16th time is a charm. If the actions belie the words, go with the actions. Nobody wants to end up with the town whore who every guy has ridden. Nobody likes for the woman they love to be viewed in that light. I just still think we have to evaluate that person for who they are now, or in many cases just trust GOD if you feel he has told you this is the woman for you. Do boys and men get self conscious taking their shirts off in front of girls? Theres a dirty shaming name for women whove had volumes of sex but only recently has there been a label for men that also have many sexual experiences with many partners. Yes, there is certainly a price I am paying: not seriously dating sluts. Besides its a sinful lifestyle anyway. And no one will understand fully if they didnt make a similar choice. Personally, I am a bit old fashionedI just think that having so many partners that you are ashamed to admit the number is disgusting. To you over 30 might be danger, to the next more than 7 might be too much. Men still are conscious of disease and do not want a woman who has been That does not mean you have to agree with it. I am just as human as the next person and want to be treated as such. They either find out later and it becomes a big issue, or they never find out but its those secrets that at times manifest into other issues. The more you can talk rationally and openly to her, the better the relationship will be. Yes; if you are a man who is desperate, with few options, lonely, or perhaps a submissive beta, settling and investing in someone everyone else has gotten for free may be a solid option. Thank you for your writing this article. How you choose to look at her is an issue within yourself. I see it all the time. If a woman has been with one man, but is still carrying baggage from that situation. Make Him Worship the Ground You Walk On! And no, the man is not estimating. I agree to disagree on your comment. Its not your fault. I wouldn't stress it so much had I not have something to compare her to. And Im about to have a daughter. and no teenage girls are not by right suppose to stay virgins until you come along at some point in their lives lol. Good luck!! So a man can use that as a measuring stick all he wants, but the reality is he may forever be getting false data. A person being compatible with you and someone being perfect are two different things. But most men with self-esteem, and who arent betas wont stoop so low to marry and have children with a slut. were. Lets be serious. Everything else Ive suggest stems from this- respect. Here's a revelation: people are entitled to their own judgments. Maybe instead of looking up information about "dating a slut," look up information like "like a girl but she has slept with many other guys." Or whether you have 3 kids by 3 different women. Isnt it women who tell men & society: You cant tell me what to do w/ my body?Especially when it comes to pregnancy & abortion?Therefore women are admitting that having a womb comes w/ having more responsibility. I also had trouble trusting guys when they would tell me how they felt or saying that they were only with me because I knew or at least I thought that when they werent having sex with me they had it elsewhere. Master Age: 48 , mho 32%. Sorry but it is a cutoff and a major factor in a potential mate. of this fact).But also realize that a marriage strike is on and is going to get bigger. I AM SORRY, AS WOMENWE MUST HOLD OURSELVES TO HIGHER STANDARDSWHEN WE BEGAN TO LOSE OUR MORALS AND ACT LIKE MEN IS WHEN WE STARTED TO BE MORE LIKELY TO GET SHOT THAN MARRIED. I don't expect women to stay virgins until marriage in today's world but at least have sex with someone you share love and intimacy with. so much more than women!! It is actually a fact that the more partners a woman has had, the more likely the marriage is to fail, source:https://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html Being forced into prostitution is tantamount to being raped, and is not a choice the woman made, and is therefore not reflective of her. I want to marry someone different from me: a woman. Months later she reveals that she many years ago she was promiscuous but since then has walked away from that approach to sex and shares the same values as you right now. Women lie about their past(and men know it) and Men in turn lie about love and marriage . Who has moved. Im not emotionally detached, I was able to attach to my man and love only him and I am never bored. Be open, talk about your wants, your needs, your boundaries. So lets be perfect in a less than perfect world and provide a few undeniable examples: Your RENT is due and it is $800 and you only have $620Do you have the right or wrong amount??? THIS IS REALITY. I do have a job and a life. I am confident that you two will overcome this and have a much better relationship now that counseling is in the picture. Then on my 15th bday I was raped by someone I didnt even know was watching me as child. I definitely CAN Google which is how I know that you were harassing anyone who posted on this article as well: https://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/10/what_s_your_number_do_women_still_fret_about_the_number_of_peopl.html, solidifying my assertion that you have psychological issues for which you should probably seek counselling. But if that matters to you then thats your preference. I have sex because it feels great, no matter Who its with. I have those same tendencies, but as a female. nasty divorce, drug use stemming from the perils of a upper middle class Marriage is a serious commitment intended to last a lifetime. Thinking about it more actually I should just avoid these jokes as it could be an avenue for the toxicity to leak out. But to think you cant find anyone compatible with you is B-S. People use the word perfect as an excuse to not have to live up to any expectations. That there is no way to properly address things and move past what you used to do? Women can sleep with men to get what they want and then dump them. The best way to evaluate who a person really is, is toyou knowactually look at how he/she has lived his/her life. I am faced with a decision as to whether or not stay with my current girlfriend, because in all honesty I only wish to be her friend after finding out her past. Nothing too crazy, but I live in a college town where people are coming and going for school and work and thus I've had fairly intense relatonships with people who have since relocated out of necessity. It is logical they would have to go thru a selection. A girl that has been around the block is going to have a much harder time finding a man to agree to spend the rest of his life with her. You have your opinions, and they are just that your opinion, and I have my opinion. Accross nations, the average man gets married 2 years after women get married. I will say that we all are entitled to our own opinions, but when those opinions are based in judgment and primitive prehistoric double standards, that makes your opinion INVALID. Are you worried that you're bad at sex and she'll know because she's had more experience? Nothing special about a woman who has casual sex. What I want to encourage you to do is to understand what is done is done. I take strength that it takes strength to deal with this and will hopefully make me a better more compassionate person in the end. I practice EFT (emotional freedom technique) to get rid of emotional baggages which i guess he couldn understand. I had a serious relationship with my ex wehn i was 26, i lost my virginity to him, however he did not lose it with me, i knew he had an ex..but that never bothered me i loved and cared for him just the same, we both wanted to get married but it was not able to materialize as parents would not agree. Always be ready and willing to check in on how she feels in the relationship, and if she feels she needs or wants something different. Being promiscuous is not always a conscious decision. Settle down with what she can. How about a thief? Im careful, clean and single,,,and always manage pretty alright. About how each time she sleeps Strength and confidence have nothing to do with it in my opinion. Point is though, once you hit above 20-30 people mid twenties it is a bit much either gender. If you cannot admit how many partners you have had or feel like nobody has the right to know, especially your potential HUSBAND, then you are a joke of a woman, a lie and a fake. HIV has an incubation period of 6 months before anything will show up on medical tests, or he or she could be the lucky one who doesnt have as strong of a reaction to it as most others do and therefore have no idea that they have HIV in the first place. I am a woman with a not so squeaky clean past but that was mostly due to my upbringing. Reply 122. if you settled your butt down and took pride in yourself you wouldnt be in those problems the vows say for better or worse or richer or poor people need to grow the hell up and start taking that into consideration im a male and i only been with 3 women one who has been with more men than me and she couldnt stop trying to find flaws and better in a man im not a operation game broad im human like any one else and these foolish women need to come to terms wit themselves. Yeah but we need to respect our bodies as men too. All in all I just dont feel we should be looking at the amount of men Im not saying that my hoe friends shouldnt find a great man one day but damn, if they saw them now theyd never get wifed. I go to a state school & am constantly reminded that its a small world. That said, if you think youve found the one (a dubious train of thought to begin with), by all means, give it a go, and see if it works out. Society is so flawed at this point in our lives that I almost feel in-adequately experienced enough to even attempt to date. And marrying a male whore would not be my choice either! These women get raped abused and have stupid parents who dont pay close enough attention when raising little girls. I am not a whore or a slut. Its not about allowing women to act similar to men, but simply to not judge women who may have had a promiscuous past. The whole premise of this article is misguided. Since both of these experiences run down the same spinal nerve, it intensifies the feelings. Its choices, not mistakes. Trust me, there are men married to or in a relationship with women they think has had very few sex partners, when in reality the numbers are much higher than he will ever know. As sad and hard as it seems its true As promiscuous as men are! I have yet to meet a woman that has had more than 50 sex partners and was in a solid, healthy, balanced, loving relationship. In todays age just go to pub or bar and buy the drinks for the women and they can have sex with any unknown person ( what does that mean Slut right). Who's your favourite member of the royal family? The biggest problem I have with marrying who has had past sexual relationships, I waited for her, but she didnt wait for me. Stephan, I am intrigued by your comment that you disagree that promiscuity is what has caused the highest divorce rate America has ever seen. There is a current trend not only in the U.S., but also in the UK called the marriage strike.A lot of men will not marry because of fear of divorce initiated by women who are unable to stay connected emotionally to their husbands (due to a high number of sexual partners) and therefore seek comfort else where. And them giving it to you doesnt have to mean they were cheating. A couple of reasons for promiscuity, and a couple of examples. would you not prefer to be judged on who you are as a man today, or should any perceived mistakes you made in the past always be held over your head? You wouldnt be, so I dont think it is as widely accepted as you claim. It was 5 cultures, from Africa, to the Middle East, to Southwest Asia, how men and women enjoy has lead to a downward spiral in the family, out of control divorce It is difficult for women like that to pair-bond. Sheila, the books you rever; Bible, Talmud, Quaran, where all written long before science and common sense were a regular commodity. A guy friend of mine had to dump his first girlfriend in college because she kept pushing to get married and to settle down. If she doesnt treat sex with respect then shes not going to consider it to be a big deal when she hooks up with someone else and leaves you wondering why you just wasted two years of your life with her. 9 d. 395 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic. Dont say something here different from what u will o. I think men and women should be judged the same. If a person really loves another person the numbers won't matter, but if one of those people when asked "How many people have you slept with?" Main and women are different for reason and once we start opening up the doors for women to act similar to mens unhealthy actions, Youll start seeing to even higher divorce rate in the future. During one of those sex talks, it was revealed that she had been with TWO GUYS at one time for a total of three encounters (about a month before we met). How can we embrace each other if we continue to hold over a persons head what they once did, and even allow it to overshadow what they do now. Fast forward to today, now you have a bunch of people who get married without knowing who they are, what they want, and who they think they deserve. Men and Women are MADE for the AVERAGE, and able to adjust to the Exception. Cheers for the educuation, random 17-year-old. The double standard is actually there for a reason. Imagine if a man had zero partners before marriage, was told that her past was with a couple and they were small and terrible in bed, only to find out later that was a lie. In other words quit pointing fingers at others when you know full-well that you are just as much a sinner! I literally threw up. "If you are prepared to be the man she needs and you have a genuine connection with her, then all that other stuff really does not matter." Now, I know you didnt use any of these words. I dont really care how many people she has been with within reason, however I do want to know what I am dealing with, and I would like to know whether she would be completely honest with me, IF I DESERVED IT! If you say you do, then answer this: half the women you are sleeping with *are* sleeping around, and guess what? A slut is a slut. Take that Woman, Do as I say and not as I do double standard mindset and flush it down the toilet! Ive been involved with both chaste and promiscuous women. No I dont want to do it again. 6. But the same thing goes for men they should save their selves for the ONE, because u could be tainting another mans bloodline think about how you would feel to have another mans DNA in your children knowing they are not pure of you and you alone. so what this nigga is saying is, Its alright to marry a whore, right? You two date and now are boyfriend and girlfriend for several months. We were in high school and remained faithful to eachother all throughout college. The key is make him earn it, NO commitment, NO Booty! The Student Room and The Uni Guide are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd. Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. Many people and the media would have people believe that women are so for their partners. I dont see how this article will have women single and lonely. Although hes been with girls that are tighter than I, he comes quicker, harder, and more intensely and immensely because of his emotional towards me. Now although this may not be the route you chose when it comes to sexuality it doesnt make you better than or more wise than the girl or guy who chose to have 100 + partners. Show her that you've got more to offer than those others who weren't good enough and you'll do fine. You can try to explain Him out of existence all you want. Men have to work to get sex, women dont. I thought that sex was the only thing guys wanted from me and without that they would just leave or get it somewhere else. Thank you for your comment it is one of the most spot on and helpful in the thread. Press J to jump to the feed. In todays day and age sex dominates our society. Some of them were guys I knew actually friends of mine. So I am simply saying view them for who they are now, not who they once were. Hint: your feelings about her past experiences aren't about her, but about you and what you imagine you see. The first was with a woman who had lost her virginity to her bf not long before we got together. Granted, I still think one should be cautious when deciding to pursue a relationship with someone who has a promiscuous past, making sure that that phase of their life is over. This statement makes no sense. We can do better. Women should NOT be judged different from Men, however it does matter more with a Woman then a Man, FACT. I totally agree with what youre saying and how history is a big part of the males ideals when it pertains to women and what they should and shouldnt do in reference to sex, vocation, etc. If you actually have a problem with it, that's one thing. A possible promiscuous woman is a very valid concern for a man potentially wanting her as a girl friend or more. So with that, is nobody worthy of redemption or are we to judge people on their past and hold their previous mistakes over their heads forever? I think its best to know what youre dealing with but at the same it doesnt matter because who they are today should speak volumes. I wouldnt. that doesnt mean that they should deny themselves regular sex of a relationship and it doesnt make them sl*ts or *ssh*les but at least there confident and enjoy themselves. Being young is no excuse for being a whore. Women, on the other hand, are the gatekeeper to their bodies, because of the risk in any sexual encounter. It I believe yours is as well. People are simply not willing to marry unless they are certain that the person they are marrying is compatible.. Tighter in actuality isnt always better. Its refreshing. When I met a man that claimed to have slept with 150+ women and a woman that slept with 50+ men, its no wonder we have broken families, stds, and little girls like Amber Cole becoming prevalent. No. You havent listed any statistics relevant to the discussion. However, there are exceptions to every rule. I am referencing a paper directly concerned with the subject, Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution Among Women., If perhaps you had read my posts below from last year, where I referenced this study, you wouldnt have made the invalid assumption that I believe something is true because I say it is.. The commandment was and is for both genders of mankind. A person exposing the number of past partners has nothing to do with the present moments situation. Nothing sums it up better, I wish I could sit down and heave beer with you. Text can be very ambiguous. THE DIFFERENCE IS A WOMANS BODY IS BUILT DIFFERENTLY AND THE WEAR AND TEAR IS MORE EVIDENT. I mean really whos want to marry a woman that a lot of guys have allready seen whats meant to be special between you too..really? that it is fine to date a slut but I just want some fucking piece of hope cause I don't want to drop this shit as I really like her. If a woman is saying all the right things about her values and views on sexuality, intimacy, etc. If you did respect her, you wouldn't really be having this conversation, would you? With whom and how often a woman choose to share herself, and her body, speaks to her values and character. There is no double standard. Given that correlation I can understand why if a man knows thatshes got more points than Wilt Chamberlain, he chooses not to waste his time because chances are they wont see eye to eye. Shame on you all. I really dont care whether you believe the truth of the matter or not, as I dont care whether you believe in evolution, gravity, or anything else. /Especially/ when choosing a mate. If a guy was to meet me he would never guess my number is so high because its all about how I carry myself. Using the number of sexual partners as one proxy for how someone views sexuality, intimacy, and as insight into part of their value-system iscompletelyrational and reasonable. Thank you, Lord, for resurrecting from the dead. Folks need to grow up and kill all the judgement as if they are walking perfection. Im happy to hear this article could help you in any way to move in a better direction. up a****le (Jerkwhatever feels right at the time. The woman you marry gets excited about marriage and starting a family with you. Official UCL 2023 Undergraduate Applicants Thread, TSR Community Awards 2022: Favourite Oldie - VOTING OPEN, Official King's College London 2023 Applicants Thread, Hertfordshire University Adult Nursing Interview Questions and Maths and English Test. Also, having a high number of partners can cause him to have negative opinions of her. Actions and deeds speak more loudly than words. But she was still a really nice lady, and from what I hear pretty good at sex. The reason why I view the actual number irrelevant is due to this example: Lets say you meet a woman and she is amazing. they are the last person to even go there! One would have to define perfect first. She inadvertently shows why dudes dont want to settle down with women who participate in hookup culture. But you are as a person. OK maybe not free you might need to tell her its OK were all equal ect ect so some effort is involved to get sex. Is it the number of acts, the number of partners, or the types of acts? oppressed and that some of their traditions are backwards. Really? Hm why is it that a woman can have sex with 50 men and have all of them ejaculate in her and expect possibly only 1 life in the world in a year AND NOT KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS! I agree 100%. Our wisdom is a form a judgement. To use the analogy of work, yes, fair comment. You should have an idea that its not a good look. I always thought about meeting that one person and never wanted my sexual activity to come between us. Women are thought of being prudent and conservative. You cannot truly understand or know a person until you know just about everything. Instagram. Excellent. Im not bitter, Im BETTER andin retrospect, I can say this: as a man, it is impossible for me to love a woman more than I trust her. Yep! Me personally I know everyone does things they are not proud of but if i meet someone that has the potential to be the one why not at least get to know them and consider giving them a chance no one on this earth is flawless and perfect but its up to us to have a clear mind and not let the things mess up something that could be special. Like half my high school classmates were married by 22 and there were peobably more men and women in my classes in college talking about their girlfriends they adore or fiances or their wives than any amount of dudes talking about casual hookups. I did and am again. He already feels guilty and deeply regrets disappointing you. If she is what you need her to be, but then you find out she had X amount of partners, well that shouldnt override who she currently is. We are called to Love, but how can we do that if we allow ourselves to judge and demonize others for their past decisions. Dude, you better check yourself before you mess yourself! Not too many women want a man that other women dont want. You have more preconceptions than aporcupinehas quills. And, we've all sinned a lot. You also assume that these women who love sex you reserve it for the men they love actually have love prospects. Would you still judge her as nothing more than a whore or was she simply a victim of a horrible act and didnt know or wasnt able to get the help to properly handle it. going through a thinking mans head, the kind that most women want to marry. I deserve better, and so would my children. Buddy, I hate to tell you this, but you're a victim. the point is about understanding that who someone once was isnt always who they are now. Relevant to the Exception and no teenage girls are not by right suppose stay... 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