Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. the braggart replied. A: For the mass. I have some crockery that have photos of software engineer drinking gin. The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot. Jan 09, 2023. Their bark is worse than their byte. He says to himself, Hmm. If. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? Funny grandmother portraits. Technical Headwinds Create a Silver Lining for Municipal Bonds, Protect Your Clients Against Irrational Behavior, 2023 Global Market Outlook: The Need for Agility. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ad5d98029ccf92be6e3a2a4d182ec6e7" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that . ", "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone.". Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Girl: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip so when they arrived at the station they bought only one ticket. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. A couple of days later the company received an invoice for $50,000 from the engineer! So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? The guy responds, "well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm a Marine.". Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. Every retiree is excited about their pensions and you should be! Retirement doesnt mean you also need to have retired humor. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, "Ticket, please." It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who dont. Just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a . Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. I Cant See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. What more do you want?The engineer says, Look, Im an engineer. Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. He worked it out with a pencil. Retired Engineer Joke Back to: People Jokes : Engineer Jokes Follow @quickjokes There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. Vehicle mechanics? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. Im broke and havent got any money, and she proceeded to close the door. Four retired ladies are playing bridge. It includes every possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and retirement. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. Mechanical engineers build weapons. A: Nice buttress. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. The last one is strapped in and says Im an electrical engineer, and Ill tell you right now, youll never electrocute anybody if you dont connect those two wires.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_19',623,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. In 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because there will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work. What is the matter? the frog asked. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Ive changed my will three times!. What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? Thats a hardware issue. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. But retirement can be boring only can be! A: Shorts. I will race you around the farmhouse. A reporter was interviewing a 103-year-old woman. Send him up here., Satan shook his head, No way. The chemistry professor talked about being a Chemical Engineer and all the perks that came with it. But then I think, since Im going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. My friends call me a computer because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity. "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". "Ain't that just like a blonde? ", "You're on, little guy!" Its not the end of your life, its the end of your bank account! Dont be too hasty, he commanded. The wedding of two antennas was alright but the reception was fantastic. An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. Im afraid I did. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!". . "One chalk mark $1. ", The vicar saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?, The green keeper replied, "Oh, theyre all blind firemen. Talking About My Medication by the Who. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. A mathematician, scientist and engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a red ball. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty.". The guard grabs a hold of the lever, but just before he can pull, the engineer points up and says: "Oh hey, I think I see where the problem is". It was awful. Assume the can is open!. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! ", Satan shook his head, "No way. God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. Again the guards allow it, and again they pull the lever. To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You are signed up for our newsletter! Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. It turns out, we have more! They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. Q: How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? "If you don't mind, could you put me in facing up?" The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. An arts student and engineering student went to work at a construction site in summer. Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? The key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store. Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! ", "Well," she says, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. Why are retired people who are misers so special? Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount. Nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney. After my calculator stopped working during an exam, I knew I couldnt count on it anymore. No, says the mathematician, All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder.". What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Retirement is not for wimps. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point; isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? You're in the wrong place.". How many retirees to change a light bulb? Turns out it was a natural log. He was tired of being the butt of all the jokes! Says. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. More and more engineers and companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution. Two full kegs of Budweiser are placed in the center. Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out. Put me in face up too," he says. I hope you dont get lonely. I hear retirement is lonely. Cant you just let me have the two old hens and three or four young hens? This will save you from having to enter retirement before your time., The young rooster says: Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over. Two active retired engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a computer company. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," said the engineer. Does that make you old or me young? Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? I got three males and two females, Wife: How on Earth do you know which gender they were?, Husband: Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.. Q: Whats the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers? He especially liked making fun of his scrawny engineer student friend. There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. Q: What do you do with dead chemical engineers? He got a 1-2-1-2. But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist. I asked him if he was sad he was losing all his patients. Look what it has done to me. We find jobs for staff at all levels, from Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. How does one put out a fire? That joke was sodium funny that I slapped my neon that one. ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. It's regarded as such a freak occurrence that the priest is pardoned and set free. Ill be sure to pray for them. As soon as theyve had their afternoon nap! Retirement has cured many a businessmans ulcers and given his wife one. Send him back up here or I'll sue. An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. Accountants dont retire, they just lose their balance. Roach you an email last week and Im still waiting for a response. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.. Send him up here. An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. A vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf. You or a friend finally made it to retirement age? There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. 6. An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him. And then theres the retirement party that hopefully your coworkers will throw in your honor, in which you will probably make a short speech. They wouldn't do it. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Im going to water the flowers. Content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. All Rights Reserved. "You must be in management," says the woman. I am, replied the woman, How did you know?, Well, answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but Ive no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is Im still lost. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. It's a hardware problem. Q: What did the mechanical frog say? My dads retiring from his medical practice. At the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is.. The physicist goes first. Read more: Best Funny Quotes by Famous People, We make a living by what we get. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Three guys go down to Vegas one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. One day, a company contacted the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on one of the multi-million dollar machines. Con One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? He replied, I cant wait.. Everything hurts, and what doesnt hurt; doesnt work. What are your favorite jokes about retirement? The insurance company paid for everything. Dont worry, Joe replied. Engineers started to rely on calculators to much. No one is ever going to call you "boss" again. Your email address will not be published. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. 1: What kind of music do you like?. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! Myra Rhodes, a little old lady, answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. One person found this helpful. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time its important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. But it is not without some hilarious moments. Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Heck, it worked for the priest. Just look at the joints in the human body. Off he goes to the shop, and half an hour later he returns with 12 pints of milk. Work Jokes for Your Boss ( source) 01. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. Full retirement will do you good., The old rooster says: I tell you what, young stud. Left behind. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. You could call it a, Electrical engineers like to keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might. "Darling, can you please go to the shop to buy one pint of milk? RHR. Q: What did the structural engineer say to the architect? The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power . Congratulations. Answer: Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. How Can You Mend A Broken Hip? by the BeeGees. Q: Whats a polar bear? There was once an engineer who had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems. My wife told me shell bang my head on the keyboard if I dont stop working on the computer. They're tech-tonic plates. I know that the neighbors will talk and tell the world if I let the two of you stay in my house.. Gear up and scroll down for more fun! An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. That doesnt work either. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. But, Im still happy-ish for you. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. How do you know you are old enough to retire? ", Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi. A distraught senior phoned her doctors office. He asked, "Where did you get such a wonderful bike? Youve retired from your job. Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. We do not consider ourselves to be just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to be part of your team. Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. In any case, engineers play a vital role in our lives.